| for those of you wondering! |
[Jun. 20th, 2009|10:57 am] |
Why are you leaving: i am leaving for i seek freedom, absolute responisibilty yet at the same time for moments(sometimes stretching for months) ill be living off the kindess of strangers, angels if you will, but that will be my choice, my responsibility, i want to live off the concepts of true hope, true love and true liberation, i leave because their is alot of things this society/goverment stand for and force me/you to do that i dont belive and i go as far and belive is wrong and i dont belive that i have the right to accept the governments gifts and then turn around and denounce the very thing, so i go and seek a lifestyle that i am truly me, and then of course ohers like me or seeking something other than what is there and then building a stronger more beautiful community, of course this means activism(more specifically:animal,human,eco) since i belive in a form of absolute freedom being the highest form of morals(more choices give more weight to my choice/more meaning) so none of my revolutions will be forced but instead it will be about me and my community and letting us live the way we wish to live and helping all others find their own path with the least amount of restriction on theirs and others lives(i want to move our society closer to the realization that us is grander than I), i want to seek adventure and the unknown in life, i want to not have life told to me what is going to happen but me create it and know that if is screwed up it will mean anything from not eating/travling for the night to death, our society is so far from the freedom side of the specturm and so far into the security side that we can screw up and it means nothing happens but this also means that we do good and NOTHING HAPPENS,
What do you want to gain from this? the top part kind of says this but here is a more condense version: true liberation,true romance,like minded people,the abyss, adventure, activism,LIFE,i wish to create a better self
Are you afraid? this matters on your definition of fear? of course their is part of me screaming to stay but i just laugh at that voice, and it does suck because its looking more and more like i lost my traveling buddy and i really was not planning on having my first long long distance hitch hiking alone but owell, maybe this is for the best
now tell me what do you want from life and why?
never doubt my love of you and what you our, you all inspire and motivate me and if you want to or not you are part the many reasons why i am leaving
if you want to know why i love you specifically than just ask |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 22nd, 2009|02:14 am] |
'What is a human being, then?'
'A seed.'
'A... seed?'
'An acorn that is unafraid to destroy itself in growing into a tree'
god why do these words always echo through me every time i meditate on them, im afraid im getting comfortable here, im afraid my pleasures is starting to sway my logic about leaving, or maybe its just truth piercing some lies, i cant tell anymore, i want to leap, im okay with dying in the name of living, im okay with being an outcast as long as its a good life(this of course will then mean that society is wrong)
but i look back at my life and i see that ive been grooming myself and maybe even something external has been shaping me for this, or maybe like everything else this is not a ends but a means to a even grander end.
i am a servant without a master
so ill just take care of the guest tell i meet my master |
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| silly me |
[May. 20th, 2009|02:42 pm] |
so i tried praying................
still nothing
prob not going to that again
its weird to think that i hated prayer because i hated the idea of not talking to god, i always envisioned him next to me and me just talk talk talk, and i knew God observe everything i did, while the whole time i knew God never talked or even tried communicating with me, why was i content with this? was because i knew if God was real then i don't deserve to feel or hear or whatever it is that God does to people, i am an agnostic theist, this means i dont know if their is a god but i believe their is one(if its the Abraham one is a different topic)
i also broke down and had some coke(cola) and it was gross this makes me quite happy, i now know my morals do effect my taste, wonder if its the same for meat?
no company openly kills people, kidnaps and harms families and kids all in the name of stopping unions!!!! |
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| you will never understand this and this is why i must leave |
[May. 15th, 2009|01:20 am] |
its not a political system
its not a reason to party
its not a escape
its not a phase
its not just me
these things are become true because of it but its not these,
its a ethical study, its a way of viewing the universe in such beauty that to live any other way is painful and hideous
it simply states that NO person has the right to enforce their ideal upon another being, and that freedom is what we must hold higher to everything except morals(because without holding morals higher than we must ask why even hold freedom up) to not just the self but to everything but it is only out of the ability that we influence the self more than anything else that it to must be freest,
fuck it i dont feel like writing
their is truly nothing here for me
for all of those that think this is personally created and the logic is tainted with emotion you are right about the emotion being present but i believed this for some time it was the past actions that were tainted
if you disagree with this then please tell me, their is more i just dont feel like typing anymore so post away |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 6th, 2008|02:25 am] |
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i wish i could end it all, i wish i can walk away, i wish i can throw my hands up in the air and say im done , but i am trenched in, i am surrounded.........and this reminds me of it all, this brings a smile to me once more, all of it is up hill, i am a being that has his nest in a tree on the grand arena, no no it lies in a weed that broke through the concrete, i am a being who is only in motion when there is peace and passion raging inside, when there is a struggle and growth demanded by me! i love how its unclear, i love how she is unmotivated(there is many times where i wish more would lung at me or least with me), i love how there slapping me with red tape, i love how they dont pick up there phone, i love how its all just an abyss, im just afraid like the doe doe bird as i jump towards them they will jump away tell the all jump off a cliff leaving me hungry and no where else to jump after them |
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| another cliff, another view, another jump? |
[Oct. 1st, 2008|12:07 am] |
ahh the feeling of half a foot over the cliff other half on the dusty road that led here, i look down with the same smile as always, and then i look up waiting for a sign we all know will never come, fear rises in me, i hold a blurry map to a treasure chest full, of what i can not say all i know is that its full, i pray it be a angel that has lost its wings, i pray that its a fellow faller, in the embrace we fall,how we have hated the ground, all of it; the cliff we dove from to the ground that will eventually smash upon but its by its gravitation that we have met and clung to each other, its by its pull that gives are actions meanings so we let are embrace be a toast to not the ground itself but laws of natures it serves, we let aer smile be a horn to all else to leap down and fall, throw off the ground and enjoy it all, but then the strangest thing happens we just stop, we float, we levitate by are own will we have gone past that ground and the emptiness around us, we dont have to smash into the ground, we can just lay there in each others arms, we have transcended past natures shackles called gravity, so with are new freedom we stretch are arms and head up, to visit the ground which has brought us together(of course forgetting of the treasure below us) and as we reach the cliff we see others, but instead of sharing in are joy they scream and shout and run awa, they scream monsters, and we realize when we jumped we gave this world up so we fall back down, not this time for the treasure at the bottom but because only in the leap do we grow, only in the leap is there meaning, only in the leap is there love, beauty and understanding,
and all of this came to me in a blink of my 3rd eye and i sit here staring at the cliff in the distance, still deep in the jungle wondering how much longer tell i get there, wanting to jump, wanting to embrace, and most of all want to explore the great abysse and leave this ground of ours, but i wonder on this new adventure would she embrace me or will i just slam into the ground broken and alone, |
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| ive been afraid of posting lately |
[Sep. 24th, 2008|04:28 pm] |
xxxxxxxxx: don't be silly... remember, i'm the one who found you :]
xxxxxxxxx: you make things come to life
xxxxxxxxx: i never looked at things with such a feeling of beauty before i met you and heard what you had to say
xxxxxxxxx: it's like the missing link
xxxxxxxxx: the reminder of why this all is so worth it
metaphysicsbob: why is it?
xxxxxxxxx: because it's always some kind of wonderful, no matter what it is or what form it's in
xxxxxxxxx: i was thinking about you today
xxxxxxxxx: i had a dream that i lived with you
metaphysicsbob: how was it?
xxxxxxxxx: it was exciting |
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| been really sick ill write when snot doesnt cover my eyes(read down to up) |
[Aug. 5th, 2008|08:57 am] |
I miss you and your combustions
and by combustions I think i meant exclamations
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Autumn Walker
Date: Aug 4, 2008 12:36 PM
i generalize the shit out of my x y genes!!!
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Stanley Cat
Date: Aug 4, 2008 12:34 PM
with men their most beautiful sides are often hidden, fragile even, seen by some as weakness, but I'm drawn, and i say drawn not necessarily attracted though who's to say those dont often coincide, to those who, to borrow your comparison, have that underlying but still strong chord of caring, passion, creation, wonder. i seem to have a view complementary to yours, i see these things in men more than in women, well no not more but more strikingly and vibrantly often because of their innate almost-secrecy. women usually like to announce their uniquness while with men you more often have to discover it, though who wants to make generalities.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Autumn Walker
Date: Aug 4, 2008 11:30 AM
i agree,women all women(some more than others) bring me in state of awe and wonder, i want to seek them and understand them, they are the unknown abyss i wish to dive head first in un caring of the consequences as long as i get to know it in the deepest of depths and i really don't see a point in viewing man in this same way, i do have a love an admiration for humanity all of it, i can write pages on this fact its just a different tone for women, like a musical piece each note is different but with the same meaning behind it and truly beautiful when played next to each other
not quite sure if what i wrote is cheesy or not but owell its truth
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Stanley Cat
Date: Aug 4, 2008 11:25 AM
I really have no desire to
but it's one of those things you kind of wonder about yourself until you know, and then you do
just a thought
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Autumn Walker
Date: Aug 4, 2008 11:19 AM
it will take much time and meta cognition i believe to change that fact and never seen the reason why to change it
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From:
Stanley Cat Stanley Cat
RE: you ask
Body:
observation (on self)
no matter how many attempts are made by my friend kirsten (and random women at ren faires) to change this fact, I am not in the least bit bisexual.
...it's been an odd few days |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 9th, 2008|10:14 am] |
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god help me put these words upon paper, let me utter truth least this once, |
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| I use to not be this broke |
[Jun. 15th, 2008|05:56 pm] |
but it started with 4 deaths
then some brothers left me
some more brothers betrayed me
a lover destroyed the illusion we had
a soul mate cut that which bound us
thats when i stood there and burned all my bridges and in its glow i made a promise that i will burn every bridge
and now i sit here surrounded by the broken pieces that we call "i" and i ponder what is broken and whats not, what do i fix and what do i let be, i now know my scars upon my soul, i now can see the calluses from the muscle |
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| beauty is a scientifc search, and the killer of string theory |
[Jun. 9th, 2008|01:20 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Elliot Smith-Kings Crossing | ] |
A now basic and well known law is that you can not know the position and the velocity of a particle at the same time, what is not very well known is the theories that arise on why, particularly(particles and particularly hahahahah man thats a joke i only would laugh at)the front runner that states that they are actually phasing in and out of this universe and another one all the way up to an infinite amount of universes, now lets ponder this for a second,remember that everything that is physical is made of particles, and all theses little tiny bits of particles are phasing in and out of this universe and into others ones, but you and I have no conscience of this or these other universes, this must mean if this is true that are conscientiousness is not physical(because everything physical is made of particles) but must be something else, this is of course not proof of a soul or spiritual world, but does leave those as options(and looking quite nice),there is an unwritten rule when it comes to all theoretical sciences that most of the populace does not know and that is "seek out the most elegant(beautiful)conclusions" this law states that even if 7 test say A but B is more beautiful, more elegant, simpler then believe and seek out B(this is a true example and all 7 test ended up being wrong and now it is one of the major pillars in are view of this universe) all of this is a assumption that there is a M theory and theory or formula that explains it all, so they keep seeking it out keep searching for it, things that took 10-20 formulas and theories to explain now take 2-5 and they even now trying to shorten that over and over tell we get one formula to explain it all, right now there is this most interesting idea out there based on the shape of this universe and its dimensions its called the M8 theory and well i dont want to explain it really right now just know the universe will look like this
and if this is true there is at least 22 more particles out there and will also explain why are elements are in the order that they are(and in truth are just part of a lot larger particle)and will explain why gravity is such a weak force compared to the other forces, think about it you have the whole earth pulling on you and you still can lift things, but you can lift things up with a small magnet, imagine a magnet the size of the earth! and well the explanation is that gravity is not created from this universe but slips in from another universe and that travel makes it as weak as it is(weird idea huh.....never forget that there is the opposite idea to all of this(But both are in the middle of colliding together) and thats to not view the world as particles but instead view them as waves of energy(but waves need particles to travel through but all particles are made of waves ahhh paradox) this points to everything in the universe being part of one membrane, and this would also explain consciences a little better, actully the leading theory kinda uses both: well the human conscience is just an echo of other things, as you know all things have a magnetic force and force field if you will, that bend and move as the physical counter parts do, so it looks like the shape of whatever it is and each neuron screams facts out or data, and the ones that are screaming the same thing usually clump together and well the conscience is then the loudest of that and the others make your sub conscience(s) yes there might be multiples of them. but the weird thing is not this the weird thing is what exactly is it, see because we know all data at once, but how can we since all the data is coming from different spacial spots in the brain, and thats because it is not in the physical brain its self but the echo or splash on the magnetic force field(it is energy or wave so it does not follow particle laws but all things are one in a wave) and this explains why we get the information at once, but how odd that are consciences is just an echo kinda like if i would throw rocks at the ceiling and you then read the dents on the ceiling and call it the throw, hahahahaha aint it all great.
lately i have been full of anxiety walking a thin line between anxiety and maddness, wondering if i havent already fell of the edge of the blade ages ago, i cant quite fig out why, i know what would make it easier and it saddens me to think about, and all truth that is someone to read a book with, someone to get lost with some one to hold me, some one to hold me and with that very thing i know im not cray, i know i am doing good, and therefore i am good, and even though they dont from time to time they will verbally remind me of this, someone who hears that something is sad or upset or just loosing my mind(and if you read my journals you can fig that happens alot) that they will forget everything else and hold me or cheer me up, they will forget there own drama for a moment and make joke with me, someone to stand at a peak and laugh at the joke it all can be while holding back tears at its beauty, i have created this want because well all truth most of my life i never had it and when i did get it came not like it comes with most gradually but in a wave that crashed upon my soul at once and instantly i had to learn how to swim or drown so i tested out and chose the first one and didn't go past that(out of fear of drowning) and built my bridges and then my towns that way, so do i destroy it all and faces the storm and cold once more and drown or do i alter it, or maybe in an ideal world i find this fellow soul, this soul to punch me when i want to give up, to pick me up when i fall, to hold me, someone to challenge me to show me the other end of the spectrum of the world(i think this is why i fall for the artist because they view the world differently than me, they are my little portals into there world, I WANT SOMEONE WHOM LIVES LIKE THEIR LIFE IS ON THE LINE!!! but who do i find people who think im interesting who think im unique but for some reason are not special enough to cause a "spark" or whateve they call it, and they seek that spark, i find those who are so afraid of relationships that they run as soon as they find that spark, or who like me "too much" i find those who in private cuddle and laugh but in public ignore and yell at me(im usually fine with this i like secret relationships oddly enough but its when what they yell they mean and when they really do want to ignore me that i get confused) i get those that say they will be there for me and will hold me and tell me i am special and not a fuck up and when i come they don't even a utter a word or glance my way i can go on over and over again how thanks to the old rule of neurons that fire together wire together and other observations i get a low self esteem when it comes to the "ladies" and echoes to rest of the world, but its cool as soon as sell my prison of a car ill have the freedom i seek/need(its funny when i got a car i saw it as nothing but a instrument of freedom, how naive i was)
last and not least i want someone who leaves me(all of me: my body, my conscience and even my soul) scarred, biten, and never the same, i want her stained with my blood, and i hers
ps if you like to explore any of these venues of thoughts ill love to, either commment back, call(if you want my number just ask), or in person!!! lets find the M theory the most beautiful of things in this universe, maybe we can find it by examining you, me and us) |
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| i feel like writing |
[Mar. 28th, 2008|10:44 pm] |
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im trying to sell my car, i want to go hitch hiking this summer, i want to live off the kindness of strangers, i want to become a beacon of hope and love, i want to live truly live off of love and hope in humanity, i want to become a flag for others to gather, i want to see all aspects of this life, i want to see it all, i want to know what is right from first hand experience, i want to know the scars of wrong again(kinda)..........well i dont feel like typing anymore |
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| this is the black hole devouring my soul |
[Oct. 10th, 2007|09:51 am] |
Truth: a truth is anything that is proven by another truth
of course the fallacy is easily seen with this statement, how is the first truth proven, well it can go a couple of ways either A) it just keeps echoing down tell we get a giant cirlce were when step back we realize that all knowledge is based off of assumptions and leaps of faith, that all logic and philosophy is founded in mysticism B) that the truths keep echoing down tell it gets to a first truth that is not founded in this universe but instead outside of it, and since it is outside of are universe we can never know it except through MYSTICISM,
so of course what does this mean, it means truth, logic, philosophy that is all bullshit its all meaningless, pointless, it doesn't matter if we have free will or can talk to God because everything we all believe in at best is feeling and at worst just a giant illusion, lie we tell are selves, rip the fabric of existence and reality and what do you have? A BUNCH OF HOLES, a bunch of nothing behind it, the hidden truth is there is no truth(i know the fallacy please don't respond to it over and over again{ha ha ha you responding to this}) this is were it gets personal: my whole life has been a giant sham a lie, seeking what was not there,(hope by this time you have looked into your life) all actions seem pointless and lies of echoes past, i know i know why don't I just kill my self right, well there is something inside me that does not allow it, this does not mean, there is a point to life this just means that there is some chemical reaction.(maybe, remember we cant truly know anything) im not arguing that there is no point, im not even arguing all truth, all im saying is there no way of proving it and if ther is no way of knowing and its all based of assumptions and faith, then this "truth" is as "true: as the counter part A=anti A, back to the point (hahaha point)
mysticism: is when you find truth(remember what the definition of truth was) by other means of logic but instead bye emotions, sensory data ect the problem with this is that it is based on you, i mean you say you have experience love what is love well its a feeling how do you know what that feels like, all you know is your own data, you become a prisoner of your own mind, which builds its own walls and bars, but unlike any prison ever built this one can not and will not be broken, there is no outside there is only walls and bars(welcome to yours and my universe) the problem with a relevant universe is that it loses all weight once you realize that the laws only apply to you, there is no truths in relevant universe, sorry what am i doing talking about logic, back to the point (once again hahahaha) your brain grabs at that which is around it(this is of course the best case scenario, the worst being that it creates everything just out of boredom and we are actually little tiny specks of nothing floating in nothing laughing at the nothingness like idiots) so maybe all the enlighten fools that we seem to look up too are not even enlighten but actually farther away from the truth, wait there is no truth fuck wait there might be we just cant prove it, but if you are floating in space is there an up and down it all just perception, the wise men in this world are all just going the way we all say there going(once again that is the best case scenario) maybe there just falling farther and farther down, is there such thing as falling in this case???? right now what is "real" is the emptiness inside the sadness that overfills that which use to be me, and now I have no idea what is in its place and I truly don't care anymore, this is sensory world, im pretty sure there is more but right now that's all these feet can feel, all these eyes can see, and for now that is truth, a truth with no weight, no value, look at me im the man stuck on a island with no food but HEY I HAVE BRICKS OF GOLD, I guess laying here and dying the only thing left to do is just to hug the bricks of gold i have as I fade into nothingness once again, dear god i hope this isn't truth(hahahah once again) but even if you were to talk to me i wouldn't know it was you or just some random voice in my head, so scream away old friend lead me to believe that im crazy, of course crazy needs a point of sanity, and sanity needs truth and since we cant know truth we can truly never know the holy sane to the insane hahahah fuck me and this world.
ps I know I used logic to disprove truth and logic, and prove mysticism, and I know I proved mysticism with logic, and by proving we all know i mean rant and rave |
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| for cheeto |
[Jul. 17th, 2007|02:46 pm] |
as some of you might know im searching for a proof of Objective Morals, or that there is some laws in the universe that point to a Code of morals for all to look towards, this does not mean that all follow it or may be able to see it, this also works for are science now, well i would like to put what i have so far and what i need to prove it and my thoughts little bit more clearly
recently they have found a tribe people in Africa with genes that point that they are not homo sapient but Neanderthal which is a step below homo sapient, now when this tribe was studied more closely it was seen that they have no form of marriage, they just have sex with whoever whatever they want, there is no signs of any code of morals at all,
then if we study are own civilizations you see how in the begging the moral code is alot different then how it is now, well i guess this means that we live in a relative universe right? NO because if you study people with same level of intelligence and growth(or evolution) you will see that we follow the same moral codes
this points to there being a some form of law or structure just different data insert but the formula being the same, it is all just shown more clearly with a more evolved or smarter individual.
i know i know what your thinking that what about in america some people think some things are wrong and others dont
well this is easy that is a difference in language, for example abortion, when you ask someone if its right or wrong there is major problems with this 1.)some might be awnsering the question "is it right for a government to allow abortions" and others is awnsering "is it morally right to get a abortion" both lead to different conclusions 2.)some people consider a fetus and others don't consider it living, this is a huge difference because if you think its living then it is murder.
FUCK FUCK I DONT FEEL LIKE WRITING ANYMORE ILL EDIT THIS LATER ON FORGIVE ME |
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| i seek the charateristics of love |
[Mar. 8th, 2007|02:33 pm] |
Love does not burn others, it burns itself. Therefore, a satyagrahi, i.e., a civil resister, will joyfully suffer even unto death.It follows, therefore, that a civil resister, whilst he will strain every nerve to compass the end of the existing rule, will do no intentional injury in thought, word or deed to the person of a single Englishman.-gandi
lets look at the metaphore of love/fire, why does this get chosen oh so much(i do use it myself many of times)
-fire and love is consuming
-fire and love need constant fuel or attention
-fire and love are beautiful
-fire and love are not quite understood
-fire and love if either are fueled wrong will destroy you
-fire and love are hated and loved by society
-fire and love need sacrifice of something else(the fuel)
-fire and love both seem to have there own course in life
-fire and love both are pretty awsome on cold lonely nights
-fire and love does not "exist"(in the physical sense fire is just a chemical reaction its heat and light and both dont truly exist) but effect us more than probally than most things that do exist
-fire and love both have been sought after sense cavemen
-fire and love both destroys impurities
-fire nad love both light the world around us
as you can see the list can go on forever and ever but to say that"Love does not burn others" this i do not understand because i see true love of any type as a interconnection/interelationship between two parties(me and you,me and nature, me and god, me and a group of people ect) so whatever happens to party A effects party B, this is the beauty of love when one grows the other grows so both grows, you are no longer I but US, so whatever "fire" consumes it has to consume both it has to effect both so to say that the fire is one sided is contraditory to what love is, it might not burn as much but it still burns it still consumes destroys(of course i mean create but the english launguege sucks at seperating the two)
hahaha wait off subject(kinda) if love is a interrelationship then what is love of oneself, what does it mean when you love yourself, who the fuck is the relationship hahaha what if it is the relationship of body to mind mind to soul or whatever combination you want to give it, what if it is the end of the struggle between the parties, for example it is when your body stops trying to overstep its bounds and control the mind or soul, i am not saying not give imput because at least the body and mind give and kinda need input from each other to co exist(lets talk about the soul another day shall we)so when the body grows so does the mind and vis versa hahaha okay we fig it out and both can express the soul better hahahaha sweet a teet
im tired of typing maybe ill edit this later and add on
its not like your going to add your input anyways
hahahah does that mean you truly dont love me
when a grows so does b there will never be Ab just ab or AB in the math that is love |
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| just a ball of contradictions arnt I |
[Feb. 26th, 2007|04:02 pm] |
so ive been pondering about my self and stripping me of everything and staring at it all in its nude, and everytime i do i see how my "bi-polar" has shaped my life how the two extremes of happy and sad have shaped my mindset, my body maybe even my soul
see not only am at times very happy and other times very sad, or do all my perspectives shapes the world to be either really happy or sad but i also have very strong other contradictions, like the most important is the contradition of me and my goal in life, for the most part i try to live my life for the divine the higher life, to be above human for what is right, but however stronger these ideologoy grows so grows this appetite for pleasure for what feels right, what feels good, for personal pleasure, this of course creates the love of self destruction,sex,and other chemicals all to destroy this love, both are always fighting each other, when im living my life striving for the divine, the voices are screaming that im loosing my humanity that im loosing what makes me important and i see what i will never have(and trust me its alot more than you would think) but then when i "feed my appetite" the voices scream on how selfish and pointless and wrong this is, on how is this worth loosing so much(once again its alot that im loosing)so wwhenever i do anything there is voices of guilt and regret flowing through my minds rivers, so i end up on my kneees even more confused scared to move either way because it all seems so murky
this of course is not the only contradictions in me that have been created there is the contradition on what my intentions should be, should it be on the inner problems:philosophy,god ect or should it be on the exterior:politics,society, ect when i do one for too longi feel like im loosing the other, that im abandoning the other so this creates a high tide and low tide of thoughts an actions just cycles i seem to never be able to escape
another great contradiction is i assume the worst is going to happen, i see whats really going to happen but I act like the best will happen, my actions have hope in them even though as you can see all my thoughts are very negative,
HOPE and love is one the greatest contradictions i have i have the highest hope and love for the world and all that are in it, everything and everyone but when it comes to my self:i hate and see(and at times wish) the worst for, how can i love so much and hate at the same time
of course all this creates a constent changing perspective on the world around me, the holes of light that come into my brain always morphing to show a differnt world(but always the same world)which in turn create the "world" that my mind at that time wants to seee hahahahaha what a fucked up mind this truly is |
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| rants about |
[Dec. 12th, 2006|02:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the evening episode-One Through Three | ] |
What is it that is making us conscious? Why are we conscious? IN some ways, the thing that is conscious is death. We live our lives as the thing that watches the occurence of feelings, memories, and thoughts...basically, we are that which does the observing. We observe our own feelings and thoughts in the same manner that we would observe a squirrel climbing up a tree. We can't call this observing faculty an "I" because it is beyond comprehension. Its as if there were no mirrors and you wanted to look at a spot on the back of your head...it isn't possible to turn around and look at what it is that is doing all the witnessing in our lives. What we really are is indefinable. The best place to start is by analyzing states of human consciousness:dreaming, waking, trance, etc... Consciousness would be more like a center which is everywhere.
Just as a computer cannot at any given moment process each of its own bits, since it would require each of its bits plus a few more,(sorry for sloppy analogy) we cannot concieve or reflect internally upon, at any given moment the whole of our conciousness. However that is not to say that we cannot comprehend the mecanisms by which our minds work since these are sure to be smaller operations repeated through out the mind.
I dont think its wrong to say the mind and brain are distinct but i wouldnt call the mind a substance anymore than i would call numbers substance. The brain generates patterns of energy, patterns are the only things that can genuinely persist through time. This is how we can have persistance of thought. So our minds are essentially a series of patterns recorded materially on our brains.
Wouldnt this then make us all just energies and waves, possiblities?we are not the computer part or even the energy but the symbol that they create. (Its funny to write this all on a computer)
does this leave room for a soul???
maybe a soul is that which creates the symbols, like are dna, or maybe its our footsteps upon this earth, are actions echos,funny to think of are soul as an echo because echos are changed and infuelenced by outside sources, other sounds(echos) what they bounce off and of course the observer,you hearing the echo again, does an echo exist if no one is there to hear it,is there a soul if there is no God???Now thats a whole nother rant now is it.
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ive been happier lately, smiling more, understanding and loving the simpliar things,
but
ive also have been loosing my deeper thoughts in the proccess(this last thought came last night and today it doesnt count)i havent been naturally wondering about the universe and all its symbols and mysteries, i havent been reading as much as i use to
i think its beacuse there is a girl in my life now,her beauty that radiates from her mind and heart can only be compared to the beauty that is all of her, i love joking with her and also just laying there wondering about the universe around us, but is it this feelings that clog my minds eye, does happiness create exceptness of this universe, does it kill the wonder and hope, shouldnt it create it, what the fuck, owell i really dont feel like going down this street right now, and im going to except that being with her is right and put the pieces together
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look what i read today it truly is beautiful writting, and i found it in a forum, how funny, what a mind this be, and how simple
Before the big bang the entire universe existed in one single point in space and time, the singularity. Assuming the universe is closed, one day everything that is in the universe, including the things that have made up each one of us will eventually exist together again in another singularity.
There is a force in the universe that is 'programmed' into all things that ultimately draws all things together, back to the singularity.. This force supercedes all others. It manifests itself in a number of ways such as gravity. It makes sense to me to call this force 'Love'
Its bearing on suicide bombers and abortion is that as concious beings our most innate desire is for all other concious beings to have the same conciousness as us. So at first when we do not understand this we try to use physical force and violence and shouting, where we cannot use sex(the act of love). But when we realise (assuming one believes the universe to be closed) that the singularity is inevitable we can relax and share our conciousness in a peaceful manner in lovely forums like this one.
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if you wish to comment then yay but please least make some statment about the first rant and not just about the second THANK YOU and i love you all and you all have helped with my thoughts passage through this life and we all know that thoughts lead to actions, so all my actions of love and compasion you can pat yourself on the shoulders, so i am only as good as you, and if you say i am good and loving then you to must be good and loving |
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| these thoughts always hide but never leave |
[Dec. 7th, 2006|02:29 pm] |
I strife in life to live in the world of thought, the higher world, the divine world
world of thought does not have emotions,lust,
but i do desire and i do have emotions,
so i must not desire, i must not have emotions
but to have emotions and to lust is natural for humans
but i dont wish to be human but divine
so i must be alone then
this is logical
and logic is right
and i live to do what is right
if i dont live to do what is right then i am doing wrong
and to be on this world and do only what is wrong truly is the worst sin of all
but what am i then if i am not human
something tells me that i am not post to be alone
but logic points only to this
so there is more to logic, or its just my desires (or ego) fighting to survive
i belive we all live by the same moral laws
so if we all should not have emotions and desires then we will never reproduce
and the human race will not survive
so we need desires and emotions
to survive
but is survival right
is what is best for the universe
if we look at the human footprint apon this world i would say no
but if we all did strive for the divine the "right" then are footprint would be differnt
and why would it be right to destroy that which is right
(if your still reading this and not lost yet thank you and im sorry )
well least i know one thing
the planes of thoughts are lonely walk |
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| update 2 |
[Sep. 14th, 2006|12:18 am] |
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i thought i should also include all the other thoughts in my head like i feel completly usuless and ugly how the two most important people in my life or they were i feel hate me and dont even want to see me, how i fear that im loosing a fire inside of me how i feel like im annoying eveyone and im fucking it all up the ass, im sorry this is not my normal writting style but im missing alot of me latley im missing alot of people lately which i weird cause ayear ago ive never missed anyone before and here i am missing people |
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| sooo you want to know whats spinning in my head??? |
[Sep. 13th, 2006|12:25 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | the shooting star that destroyed us-a static lullaby | ] |
so you want to know why ive been leaving, not hanging out and spending my nights just driving around ennding it watts talking to the homeless instead of hanging out with you well fine but be carefull what you wish for, im now doubting what is love and can there ever be an egoless love im doubting if love is trully that which connects this wourld and if my whole life in searching it out has been a waste if not a sin,is not a romantic love a selfish love, ive been doubting the meaning of hope and if we truly need hope to live to be human if not a life without hope would not be better if it can truly be possible, ive been wondering on why am i here on the planet why do i existed im been trying some justification that im not a waste of matter that im not pointless that im doing something good with this life, ive been wondering what does it mean to do good what is good, is it what benifits (what does it mean to benifit) the individual or the masses what is right letting one man die to save thousands or let that one man live but at the sacrifice of thousands, WHAT THE FUCK IS IT how can i live a life in the world of thoughts and the greater good if i cant even see the greater good when its right in front of my face, ive been searching these questions and more and no one has awnser or even a road i seem to be the only one that ponders these anymore
i come to you
and thats what you gave me
thanks |
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